It ain't gonna be easy, but we can do this
by goddamit-mir
Summary: Mickey hears a conversation between Ian and Fiona, not knowing that his world is about to go upside down. I cannot deal with the bipolar thing for now, so this takes place a year after Ian's diagnosis. enjoy !
1. Chapter 1

It was late and Mickey was exhausted: after spending the entire day at the Alibi Room, dealing with the whores and Kevin, all he could think about was a beer and maybe pizza bagels, then crashing in bed next to Ian. Every time Kevin would ask a stupid question or Lana would speak to him, well not speak-more yell, he would picture the Gallagher household.

He always felt weird about how quick it has become such a safe place for him. Terry was in prison and his brothers did not want to have anything to do with him, so he quickly moved in. He still had Mandy, thankfully. She broke up with Kenyatta after Ian's diagnosis, when he told him to choose between "his faggot of a friend" and him. She threw him out with the biggest gun she found in the house. She didn't have the courage to throw him out the first time, when he punched her, partly because she felt like it was her fault (well sleeping with Lip was not really smart). But Ian was family, and a Milkovich would do anything for family. Anything.

A year has passed since Ian diagnosis and things were good. Well as good as it can get when you live in Southside Chicago.

Mickey was accepted as a member of the Gallagher family by now: even Lip, this giant douchebag, Mickey thought to himself, seemed eager to keep him around now. They all witnessed it: Mickey taking care of Ian, running two jobs so he could get his pills, the way they looked at each other… there was no doubt, this thing between us was real. And meant to last. However, Mickey had a hard time dealing with the family sometimes, especially with Fiona and Debbie, who looked at him like he was some kind of sweet teddy bear. One night, Mickey was watching a movie in the living room, and Ian fell asleep in his arms. He could hear whispers, so he looked toward the kitchen where the Gallagher sisters were.

"The fuck you think you're doing?" he said

The girls giggled and left them to it, Ian sleeping, his head against Mickey's chest, breathing to the pace of the older boy's heart.

"They are so cute together! " said debbs

"I know, I've never thought I'd say a Milkovich's cute though. Let's go upstairs, give 'em some space".

Micky mumbled something like "fucking girls" and Ian rubbed his stomach softly, smiling fondly, eyes still closed.

Mickey was almost at the door when he decided to have one last smoke before going in. He was under the porch, close to the door when he heard Ian's voice. He seemed upset and Mickey did not intend to listen until he heard his name. He came closer and could identify the other voice: it was Fiona.

"I never asked for your opinion Fi" said Ian

"Well I'm gonna give it to you anyway, this is the stupidest idea you've ever had. And god knows you've done stupid shit, Ian. But this, this is-

"Look Fi, I appreciate it but it's not like I haven't really thought about it."

Mickey was completely lost: he was sure he heard his name but none of this made sense… what kind of decision, **the stupidest ever** according to Fiona, was Ian about to make without even talking to Mickey about it? He could feel something was wrong.

He opened the door and the two siblings stopped talking immediately, staring at him.

He could see that they were confused, probably wondering what Mickey heard.

"Hi Mickey" said Fiona. "Hum I'm gonna- I'm gonna go upstairs, see if the kids are ready for bed".

She put a kiss on Ian's forehead, giving him a strange look. When she walked past Mickey, she just put a hand on his shoulder, it lasted only a few seconds but when their eyes met, Mickey could tell that she was half worry, half sorry. It killed him not to know what this look was about. She left the kitchen, leaving them alone in the silence. Nobody said a word until Mickey could not take it anymore, and exploded.

"Care to tell me what the fuck is goin' on here, huh"

"Nothing, it's just… you know, a little disagreement between brother and sister"

"No shit" said Mickey. "You really expect me to believe that?"

Ian didn't say anything. He couldn't look at Mickey. He had a plan and now all of it was screwed, he was screwed. He could tell that Mickey would not back down on this one. He wanted to look at the older boy but something prevented him from it.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? TELL ME".

Mickey didn't intend to scream at Ian but he couldn't take it anymore, the words were out now.

"Hey guys, if you need to wrestle or something, go outside then. I just put Liam to bed and I'm not reading another chapter of "eat, pray, love".

The two boys looked toward the living room, to see Lip grabbing some books from the counter table. Lip quickly sensed the tension between the two lovers and escaped as fast as he could this more-than-awkward situation.

Ian sighed and headed to the door, Mickey right behind him. Once they were outside, Mickey pulled out a cigarette and lit it, his hand were shaking. He looked at Ian, with frowning eyebrows. He had no idea what was going but he was no stupid. He could tell that something was wrong, something bad was happening. For a second he thought that maybe Gallagher had signed him up for some shit, like GED or something. Ian was obsessed with Mickey getting some kind of diploma. He talked about it all the time. And Mickey would always answer

"Fuck Ian, I'm good being a pimp, why the fuck would I change that?"

For the first time this evening, Ian looked at Mickey and he could see the thoughts running through his boyfriend's mind. I did not want to do this right now; this was not what he planned.

"Spill the beans, Gallagher, before I make you for fuck's sake."

Ian gathered his courage, looked at Mickey and said, "I think we should stop …doing whatever this is"

Mickey choked on his smoke. WHAT? He could not possibly have heard that. This, this was impossible.

"The fuck you're talking about, huh? You've been taking your meds?"

Ian sighed. "Yes, I did, and none of this has to do with me not taking my meds, okay? I just think that … we have to put an end to this."

Ian could feel his heart break when he said the words. The last thing he wanted was to be away from Mickey. But this was not about him anymore; it was about Mickey being forced into a relationship he didn't deserve. Hell, none of them, his family, Mickey even Mandy deserved all his mess. He was determined to put an end to all of this.

"Oh right, so you just happen to-" Mickey stopped right there, thinking about what he heard earlier.

"Look Fi, I appreciate it but it's not like I haven't really thought about it."

There was it. His worst fear, his only fear actually, becoming real. He couldn't speak anymore, he was rewinding the past few weeks, trying to figure out when all went down, what he might have done to be outside the Gallagher's right now, talking about breaking up with the only person in this world he wanted to be with.

He felt the tears coming but hell, he would NOT cry in front of Gallagher! He turned away putting his hands on the wooden structure, squeezing them. His knuckles quickly turned dead white. He felt like the world, his world was about to crash, leaving him empty and broken.

"Look Mickey, this is serious, come on look at me… I'm gonna be able to go to work in a couple of weeks and the manager at the fairy tale told me he would take me back. They have a few clubs in New York and I was hoping they maybe transfer me in a few months. I won't stay here, letting you and my family take care of me. It's already been to long and I refuse to be some fucking burden, okay?"

Mickey didn't say anything for a while. Then he just whispered, "So this is about you being a burden? Is that it?"

Ian didn't know how to answer that. He knew that the easiest way to make Mickey accept the situation was to hurt him, tell him that he was not good enough anymore, but it was the cruelest thing ever. Above all, it was not true. Mickey was everything Ian wanted, since the beginning, long before Mickey even realized that he wanted Ian. So instead of lying, he just said nothing.

After a few seconds, Mickey turned around to face Ian, his eyes full of tears that he hardly retained.

"Who's the warm mouth now, huh"

Ian felt like someone was ripping is heart out of his chest. Doing this was supposed to be the best thing for both of us, then why did it feel so wrong and so painful?

"Mickey, I-"

"Did you tell your sister about your big fucking plans, huh? Or you just plan to disappear again? Because I ain't the one breaking the news"

"I haven't yet"

"The fuck is wrong with you? All of a sudden, you expect me to just… what? Give you a handshake and wish you fucking good luck?"

Ian didn't say anything; he could feel all his determination melt like snow under the sun. He didn't even know if he wanted this anymore. He took a step toward Mickey, and the older boy instantly backed down.

"Don't you dare, Don't you fucking dare, Gallagher. You know what, fuck you, fuck all of this. You don't want me to be here? That's fine, I'll leave. I don't want to see you ever again, okay. I'll swear to god, I'll beat the shit of you" Mickey was now crying, tears running down on his cheeks, his voice breaking.

Ian realized at this moment that he could never leave without Mickey, nor live without him. His whole body was shaking and he felt like someone was stabbing him a thousands times, every single moment his eyes were on Mickey. He couldn't stand the older boy's pain, even more than his own.

Ian grabbed Mickey by his forearm, and the Milkovich boy punched him in the face, hard. Mickey instantly regretted it. It took a few seconds for Ian to recover but he was not giving up. He took a step forward and Mickey was ready to throw another one but Ian was fast and strong. He took Mickey once again by his forearm, not letting him escape this time.

"You gonna let me go, or I swear to god I'm gonna mess your face so bad-"

Mickey couldn't finish his sentence, because Ian suddenly put all his strength and pushed him against the wall, holding him by his right wrist down, and putting the other above Mickey's head.

"You don't understand don't you? You don't fucking deserve this. I'm bipolar Mick, I am not having some kind of depression that will get better. I'm gonna be like this my ENTIRE LIFE. And I care about you too much to bring you down with me. No way, no fucking way!"

Mickey was overwhelmed by all of it. The pain in his chest would not go away and Ian's touch was burning every inches of his body he was touching. He tried to get rid of Ian but the redhead kept a strong hold and he was stuck. With all his strengths, he pulled away from Ian, ready to climb down the stairs and get the fuck out of here but his eyes met Ian's and he felt like he was about to faint. They stared at each other, both breathless from the previous struggle.

"If you don't want me-" Mickey was having a hard time speaking but he needed this. "If you don't want me anymore, I'll go Ian, and I'm not a fucking girl, I won't make a scene out of it. But if all of this is just about you being bipolar, then… don't do this… I can't … I can't… shit I can't do this without you."

Ian looked at Mickey intensely, and broke. He moved toward his lover, putting one hand behind his neck and the other around his waist. Looking at Mickey, being so vulnerable broke his heart and the look on his face was too painful. He kissed him forcefully, squeezing his waist, waiting for Mickey to respond, which he didn't.

When he looked up, he could see all the damage he has done. He feared that Mickey would never feel safe with him again. Only words now could help.

"You are everything I have ever wanted. Don't you fucking believe for a minute that I am not doing this for you"

"Well, fuck you, you and your stupid brain. I never asked you to take decisions for me!"

Mickey tried to push the red head away but Ian would not let him.

"Look at me, LOOK AT ME!"

Mickey gave a quick glance but could not stand Ian's eyes. Fucking puppy look. Ian let go of Mickey's neck and grabbed his chin.

"It is gonna be hard, Mickey. Harder maybe than anything we've done before. Sometimes I'm gonna be so cheerful it'll be exhausting and the next morning, I'll probably want to kill myself. Maybe one day I'll succeed."

"No you won't-"

"Yes, maybe I will, Mickey!"

"As long as I'm here, nothing's ever gonna happen to you, Ian. I'll always be there, don't you get it?"

They stared at each other for a minute before Mickey finally pushed Ian against him, giving him the softest kiss ever. Ian quickly responded, feeling his entire body relax against Mickey's. Once again, he was home thanks to Mickey.

The broke the kiss when they couldn't breathe but stayed there for a while, not moving, not speaking, afraid that the other might disappear if they broke the touch.

Ian finally said " let's go inside, I'm freezing" he took Mickey's hand and pulled him toward the door but Mickey wouldn't move.

"What?" said Ian.

"Promise me one thing first"

Ian gave him a inquiring look before Mickey said,

"this is the last time you pull this shit on me, okay? If you wanna leave, you'll do it for you, not because you think that's the right thing to do. I'll fucking kill you firecrotch."

Ian smiled, squeezed his lover's hand and opened the door to get into the house.

Mickey smiled back and thought to himself that now he was up for some beer and pizza bagels but what he needed more than anything was to lie against Ian, and never loosen the hold. Yeah he was fucked, fucked for life.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I really wanted to give something more to this story and I hope you guys like it. Also I always felt like there is not enough interaction between some Gallagher siblings and I chose to change that. One last thing, I said it already but English is not my first language, I did what I could do to make this good, but some mistakes might be here, don't hesitate to say it. Comments are Welcome! **

That night, Ian and Mickey didn't have sex. It was weird because one thing that Mickey loved the most was angry/post-argument sex. Ian wondered if Mickey just didn't forgive him yet or if he was just exhausted. Finally, I fell asleep, choosing the second option.

Unfortunately, Ian quickly realized that he was wrong. Mickey was still upset but he showed it in a very subtle way. Nobody noticed, except Ian, who knew better.

Usually, when they were seating next to each other, Mickey would purposely leave his hand on his thigh, so Ian would grab it as some point, squeezing it for a second just to feel the warm hand of his boyfriend. But now, Mickey put his hands on the table, for anyone to see it, or under his thigh so Ian could not take it. He didn't call Ian by pet names anymore, which he usually did. There was no more "firecrotch" or "mumbles", just "Ian". For god's sake he didn't even call him Gallagher anymore.

But the thing that really made Ian realize something was up was the morning situation. He used to wake up, having Mickey close to him. Sometimes, he was so close that Ian couldn't breathe and he had to wake Mickey up so he could sleep again. Then Mickey would just drop his head on Ian's chest, legs tangled and hands on his waist. Ian loved that. But now, when he would wake up, and Mickey would be facing the wall, far away from him, leaving a gap between them. At first, Ian thought that his Milkovich needed time to deal with the whole "I don't want you anymore" thing, and he was willing to give Mickey a few days to digest the argument.

But there was something else. Mickey was afraid. Afraid to loose Ian, afraid to end up hurt because the red head would wake up one day, realizing that Mickey was a dead end.

So Mickey decided to cut all the things that were close to too intimate for his taste. It began with the holding hands thing, then the pet names situation but it didn't stop there. One thing that Ian loved about being with Mickey now was that they fucked looking at each other. To Ian, nothing was more sexy than looking into Mickey's blue eyes while they were having sex. This way, he could see how much Mickey cared about him, and since Mickey was definitely not the one talking in this relationship, he could tell that the boy loved him.

Mickey knew that, so he didn't do it anymore. Every time they were about to have sex, Mickey would find a way to turn over, so he didn't have to look at Ian. He was not going to stop having sex with his lover, NO WAY, but hell he didn't have to give anything away. So one day, when they were finally alone at home (Fiona was at the dinner working, and the kids at school), Ian decided that enough is enough.

"Come on, Mick" Ian whispered in the ear of his lover. " It's been a long time"

"What you talkin' about, we fucked like 15 minutes ago" said Mickey, rolling his eyes.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it"

"Oh come on, don't be a pussy, and get on me already" Mickey was never the patient kind.

Ian sighed and he knew he lost this battle. Unless…

"No."

Mickey turned over to look at Ian, furrowing eyebrows, with a strange look on his face.

"What do you mean by "no"?" Mickey was not sure he understood.

"I won't fuck you this way."

"Oh yeah? Well, you're not gonna fuck me at all then!"

Ian wanted a reaction, and this was exactly what he feared. He could tell when Mickey was a stubborn prick but this was different. Although he didn't want to argue so he just laid in bed, his hands crossed under his head. He looked at Mickey with a grin on his face.

"Well, so be it."

Mickey was furious. Here they were, naked and ready to get some action and the bastard refused to get on him. Ian was just lying there sexy as hell, with his bulging abs and well, his entire body being absolutely perfect, making fun of the Milkovich boy. Mickey wanted to punch him, as much as he wanted to lick these perfect abs but then he remembered what Ian told him that night.

"I think we should stop… Whatever this is"

The thought hurt him just as much as it did the last time, and it reminded him why he was pulling the whole thing. He stood up, grabbed his boxers, hoodie and jeans, and turned around to face Ian.

"Fine, you wanna be a smart ass? Fine."

Ian was chocked. He never thought Mickey would leave, and the few seconds he watched Mickey, who was thinking about what kind of decision he would make, Ian was certain that he would finally break.

"Wait, WAIT, where are you going? MICKEY?"

Mickey was already climbing down the stairs when Ian heard "None of your fucking business" then the door was slammed.

Ian couldn't believe what was happening and he was really preoccupied, for two reasons. First, Mickey never, EVER refused sex. And second, because he was pretty sure that this whole scene was about more than just him playing dumb. Mickey was upset, more than ever and it was dangerous because usually he would just explode and say whatever he had on his plate. This time he just refused to talk. And he refused to set things right by having sex. Ian could feel a panic attack growing in him, some kind of knot making his way from his stomach to his chest, becoming bigger by the minute. What was this all about?

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down and decided to go downstairs to have something to eat. If he knew one thing, it was that going after Mickey right now was NOT a good idea. He took a beer in the fridge and a sandwich. There was a post-it on it, were someone- probably Carl- wrote down "HANDS OFF FUCKER". Ian smiled and took it anyway. He sat on the couch, ready to watch some dumb show on TV when Debbie came home from school.

"Hey Ian! Where's Mickey?"

"Hey Debbs. I don't know, he just took off for no reason"

Ian looked at Debbie and could not help but smile when he saw the annoying look on her face. Debbie was the only one in the Gallagher family that really loved Mickey-except for Ian of course- and Mickey himself grew pretty fond of her. Even if sometimes, she was asking him stupid questions or made comments about how sweet he was with Ian, she was also a badass. She looked a lot like Ian, but also like Mandy. And these two, well they were pretty much the only people he loved on this planet. As for Debbie, she loved coming home, telling Mickey how she shut up a mean girl who would try to impress her, or how she nailed a test that Mickey had helped her with (he was good in math and she wasn't). Somehow, just like Ian, Debbie could see through Mickey. She could see who he really was and Ian loved it.

"Don't look so disappointed Debbs. I'm here."

"Yeah, right. So you two are good?"

Well that's weird, Ian thought to himself. Did Debbie was that perceptive?

"I… yeah I guess"

Debbie looked at him, and lifted her eyebrows.

"What is that supposed to mean? You better not break with him, I like having him around. It's already enough that Lip fucked things up with Mandy, I refuse to loose another Milkovich!"

Ian couldn't help but think that his little sister as smart as hell. So she did feel something was wrong.

" Come here" Ian said

Debbie sat on the couch next to his brother but didn't say anything for a while. Finally, she was the one breaking the silence.

"I just… it feels like he 's more … tense lately. I mean, Mickey is always tense but these days, something's different. Did you guys have a fight?"

Ian looked at his little sister, quite impressed that she could feel these things.

" Yeah kinda. Let's just that I said things I shouldn't have and I think he's pissed at me for it"

"Okay, well… make things right then! Did you try at least?" she said

Ian didn't know what to say. Usually he would talk to Mickey, no matter how hard things were, he had to talk to him. But not this time. He replayed the scene in his head, and was sure as hell that he didn't want to talk about it again. His sister was just pointing out that he didn't have a choice in this.

"Well, not really. You're right I should do something about it"

"Hello? Yeah that seems obvious dumbass!"

Debbie stood and went to the kitchen to grab some orange juice, then left Ian with his thoughts. After a few seconds, he grabbed his phone and texted Mickey

_**From Ian to Mick- 5.15 pm**_

"_**Where are you"**_

_**From Mick to Ian- 5.16**_

"_**Fuck you is where I am"**_

Well, Ian didn't plan on this to be easy

_**From Ian to Mick- 5.18 pm**_

"_**Come on, don't be a bitch about it"**_

After a few minutes, and still no answer, Ian decided to go and look for him. He went everywhere: the dugouts, the Milkovich house, the abandoned building where they used to hang out, the Alibi. He even went to V and Kev's house, in case Kevin had seem him. Mickey was nowhere to find. Around 9pm, Ian had to go home, because he needed to take his pills and his schedule was very strict, he couldn't afford to mess with it just because Mickey was being a prick.

When he came, he asked around if anyone had seen Mickey, but nobody had. He was starting to worry. He pulled out his phone, and saw that he had a text.

_**From Mick to Ian- 9.14 pm**_

"_**took ur pills, dickhead?"**_

_**From Ian to Mick- 9.15 pm**_

"_**I did, now tell me where the fuck u are"**_

No answer.

Later that night, when everyone was going to bed, Ian couldn't help but being worried. Mickey was a big boy, he could take care of himself and he had replied to his texts- even found the strength to insult him- but Ian couldn't sleep without Mickey anymore. So he decided to go look for him again. Unless this time he was angry.

Once again, he went to all the places he thought he could find Mickey but he was nowhere to be found. He ended up his search at the abandoned building this time and was about to give up when he heard something: Mickey was there, leaving the squat with a bottle in his hands.

"Mickey! MICKEY!" Ian yelled

Mickey heard him but didn't stop. Ian finally caught him downstairs.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

"Yeah well?" Mickey was not walking straight and Ian instantly knew he had too much too drink. Usually a Milkovich could handle his liquor. Mandy had even a higher tolerance to alcohol than Lip, and that was something. Ian was worried because it was a long time since he had seen Mickey like this. This was not good at all.

" Will you tell me what's going on, huh? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Give me a break Gallagher"

Ian smiled because it's been days since he didn't hear Mickey call him that.

"Somethin' funny here?" said Mickey. The older boy seemed as angry as was his lover previously.

"No it's just… never mind. Where have you been for fuck's sake"?

"Well if you must know, I was at the Fairy Tale."

Ian couldn't believe it. Mickey, at Fairy Tale? By himself?

"What for?"

"Wanted to have some fun"

Ian saw red all of a sudden. What was that even supposed to mean? He was feeling anger running through his veins and an irrepressible urge to punch Mickey. Instead he just grabbed the bottle of Jack that Mickey was holding and threw it away.

"What the fuck Gallagher"

"Oh, he speaks! What did you do huh? You let some punk blow you in the bathroom?"

Mickey looked at him, apparently amused by the whole situation and just said

"What if I did, huh?"

Ian couldn't stop himself: he grabbed Mickey forcefully, ready to punch him. Mickey was close to him but didn't look at him, he was avoiding his boyfriend eyes but he had a big smirk on his face.

"You think this is funny? You think I ain't gonna find who it was and fuck him up?"

"Whatever you say man, I don't give a shit"

"When did you stop giving a shit Mickey? Huh TELL ME, when did you stop thinking that this wouldn't make me mad?"

"I'm just giving you what you want Gallagher"

"Oh yeah? And what is that?"

Mickey looked up to Ian, finally facing the look on his green eyes, and it was heartbreaking. He was not about to cry or anything but he looked like he was broken. Ian wanted to hug him for a moment and then realized that his boyfriend might just have cheat on him. When Mickey finally spoke, his voice was hoarse but strangely calm.

" A reason to break up with me"

Ian looked at him, puzzled and sad. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He let go of Mickey and made a step backward.

"I don't want to break up with you."

"Why not? You'll be free, and you'll be able to take off to whatever night club in New York where geriatric viagroids are probably expecting you already"

"That's not what I want"

"What do you want, then?"

Ian has never seen Mickey so sad, it was like he couldn't even look at him. Mickey was afraid of the answer and the alcohol was not helping anymore.

"I want to be with you, and I can't figure out how to put this in your fucking head."

Mickey remained silent for a while, turning his back to a helpless Ian. Then he shook his head like he was having the worst idea ever, but the words came out anyway.

"Let's move in together"

"WHAT?" Ian almost yelled because he was sure he didn't hear that right.

"You asked me what you could do. Move in with me"

"But Mick we already are liv-"

"No, I'm talking about you and me, having our own place. Your family is driving me crazy and I need some…"

Ian knew exactly what Mickey was thinking. He needed reassurance, proof that Ian was here to stay. He needed commitment. But Mickey didn't finish the sentence, he couldn't say it at loud. After a moment, Ian finally said.

"Okay, let's do this"

Mickey looked at him expectantly, trying to figure out if Ian was messing with him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Well, obviously, I need to go back to work first, and make some money, but when we're ready… I mean yeah"

Mickey didn't say anything, but came closer and took Ian's hand. He could feel the tension vanishing slowly. Ian squeezed his hand and pulled him closer. God, how much he missed this.

"Let's go Firecrotch, I can't feel my fingers anymore"

"Wait a second… Did you-"

"Of Course not."

Ian knew that he didn't cheat on him but he just needed to hear it. He smiled at Mickey, never letting go of his hand and Mickey smiled back. It wasn't a smile as big as Ian's but it was enough.

They went home in silence, but they didn't really need to talk, the most important things had been said already. That night, they had sex as if it was their last time on earth and Mickey didn't turn over at some point. He let Ian take him, face to face, foreheads against each other and fingers tangled. The next morning, when Ian, Mickey, Debbie and Liam were having breakfast, Mickey poured some coffee in Ian's cup and put a slight peck on his shoulder. Ian could see his little sister's grin. It was a huge grin that said "You two are perfect for each other". And he silently agreed. Completely.


End file.
